a mask for me

Ever since I heard that we were going to have to
all wear masks in public, I have been half-crazed.
Now that the Centers for Disease Control have
made the recommendation, some health-minded political leaders, including Savannah's Mayor,
Van Johnson, has been promoting their use.
He is a big proponent of "keeping the faith, but
believing the science."
I've been a fan of his ever since I heard him speak
at the celebration of life for Imam Maajid.

And so, as always, I have striven to be part of the solution instead of being one of the problems.
For the past three days, I have searched for a mask
that would be protective, given my particular fear.
Which particular fear would that be?
That fear is the absolute terror of suffocating
if my nose and mouth are covered.
Just the nose or just the mouth, okay.
Both, simultaneously?

I just can't do it.
I'm not sure why that dread exists for me,
but I know that is the reason my face must be
out of the water when I swim.
So, I had tried and tried, but, in each case, as soon
as the mask was tight enough to be useful, my nose
was mashed and I would panic.
Every single time, I would rip it off within seconds.

Still, my subconscious mind kept working toward solving the problem with the materials at hand.
Sure, the unicorns and rainbows bandanna had not worked...
nor had the 3M 8511 respirator...
but what if I nestled the respirator into the folds of the bandanna, then tacked it into place?
That way, the cup would keep the weight off my nose, allowing it to have space without pressure.
Miracle of miracles, it worked!
I still feel a little panicked about wearing it, but it's a mild enough case that I can handle it.
I just have to remind myself to breathe, just breathe...
just... breathe...
every little thing...
is gonna be alright.

i thank You, God.