I was so immersed in the dream that when my alarm went off, I hit snooze...
then, fifteen minutes later, I hit snooze again...
and after another fifteen minutes, I hit snooze yet again...
and wasn't aware I had done so until the alarm again sounded, for what I thought was its first time, and I saw the time was ten past ten...
meaning I was missing the Mayor's press conference...
which was the only reason I had set the alarm.
Whoops!
So, I roused myself, reluctantly, and watched the rest of it.
Basically, he chastised proprietors and clientele alike for behaving like nimrods this weekend, for acting as though SARS-CoV-2 had permitted a cease-fire on its attack, when
the local numbers of infected people show it has not done any such thing.
After he had taken questions and responded, I turned off the tv and crept back into bed...
hoping to recapture those arms that held me, those lips that kissed mine...
and, wonder of wonders, I did...
i thank You, God!
I hadn't been aware that I'd been successful until just a moment ago, when I looked at the clock and saw more than an hour had elapsed.
Those arms had been there, waiting to draw me closer and upward, upward, upward, until I was on my toes and my lips were able to be kissed, and to kiss back, with my arms around his shoulders, balancing our bodies into the embrace.
If ever there was a dream to return to, this was the one!
I do hope I'll be able to slip back into that embrace again tonight...
and, perhaps, every night this week...
and any other nights that my dream lover might have on his dance card...
mine is wide open, as are my arms.
(
smile)
My, my, my, mercy me!
And just who might this lover boy be?
Well, he's tall and hale and blond, blond, blond...
with strong arms and gentle eyes and lips that kiss softly and forever...
a big, blond, bear to snuggle into with abandon, knowing I am safe...
a big, blond, bear that reminds me of Michael William Young.
He truly does remind me of Mikey.
Maybe he's looking for me, maybe he's trying to search me out.
Maybe he's still wanting me to join him in Ohio, in the town named for his grandpa.
If he is, I just may go.
When he exited the Navy in 1983, he'd come from Okinawa to Imperial Beach, where I was then stationed, to spend a couple of days and try once more to convince me to marry him.
As much as I loved him - oh, so much! - I wanted to spend some time living near Mama, as it had been seven years since I'd been able to do that.
I wanted to be home, in Savannah, and go to Armstrong State College for at least two years, get the core classes in there before transferring to Savannah State College for their marine science program.
Time that would all be spent near Mama, near my family.
Mikey understood about the desire to be close to family.
That's why he was returning to
his home town.
So, we made the most of our time together, on my futon in my tiny one-bedroom, second-floor, apartment in the low-rent section of Imperial Beach, California, then he'd taken his leave.
He had been keeping time with an older woman, with children, when he'd been there before, and that's where he was going again.
I don't recall ever hearing from him after that...
at least, not in the flesh...
just in my dreams from last night and this morning...
if that lover really is him.
In my mind, he is.
I cannot think of anyone else that I know who has his features.
Isn't that a little odd?
As many times as I have seen people of similar look, none have been big, blond, bears.
Not a single one.
The panda is a ginger-haired bear.
The Eagle scout once had dark hair, but is now bald.
The bfe is not a bear at all.
None of the crushes have fit that description, either, though Eric is closest...
as he does have a full head of dark blond hair and is a big guy...
but that has been a distinct no-go, though it had
begun with a light kiss.
I've deliberately gone out of my way to see him, hoping for some sure sign of interest, joining his history tour on one occasion and his ghost tour in January.
And, although he seems happy to see me, he has not pursued any future encounters.
Even when he started coming to the Sentient Bean for PFS films, he came with a group that didn't include me in their post-movie discussion.
As I said, a distinct no-go.
What does he look like?
Well, Jim had showed a movie, "
Darker Than Amber", back in early January. The 1970 film had been chosen to commemorate what would have been the birthday of its star,
Rod Taylor. He had been 40 years old at the time.
The whole time I was watching it, I kept thinking he reminded me of someone I knew...
then, I suddenly realized who it was - Eric Mitchell!
I had even commented on that similarity to Eric, on fb.
Come to think of it, he started coming around to the 'Bean after that, along with Kal (who had been part of Javaflicks Savannah) and a couple of women.
Hmmm...
I hadn't made the connection that he might have done so because he knew I would be there.
Might that even be a possibility?
I have my doubts.
He had several months to ask me out to a lunch, as I had asked him that first time.
So, my guess is he mentioned the PFS movies to Kal and was there because Kal was trying to have his own movie-viewing group.
Whatever.
Mikey did not have a square jaw, nor does my dream lover...
who, for now at least, I'm going to regard as being Mikey...
looking to be reunited after all these years.
Here's hoping I'll see him tonight!
Maybe I should even go to bed a bit earlier, to spend more time in his arms...
that would be so very nice...
soaking in love, breathing in his musky, citrus-tinged, scent...
my, my, my, mercy me...
dreams so real, more real than life sometimes.
How do I know which is which?
I take photos when I'm awake, to prove to myself it really happened, that the people were actually
right there, that my life exists outside my mind.
i thank God that my first niece understands that, too.
