are you okay?

I've seen one too many movies of late with children in distress...
with children in harm's way...
with children used as pawns by adults.
I guess that's all a little too close to home for me right now.
Three strikes, I'm out.
Surprisingly, I'd seen two of the three movies before.
One was even a musical that had been a favorite of Mama's.
That one was "Annie", the 1982 version with Carol Burnett and Tim Curry and
Bernadette Peters. The little title character became the prey of two posing as
her parents, for the sake of money.
Usually, I would have been all over it, but not so much on Sunday, when I was
ushering for it at the Lucas. I know I had expected my first niece to be there,
but she was not. Hinesville is a bit far for her to drive these days.
I think her absence definitely detracted from my movie experience.
So, that was the first of the three movies that have been working on my mental
health this week.
The second was "Jojo Rabbit", the one seen Tuesday with the physicist. I've already
gone on about it, so more is not needed as evidence of its effect on me.
Then, the third was this afternoon, over at Generation One. I had thought Joe
and Lois would be joining me, but not so. Still, there was a very good crowd
there for "Best of Enemies", so that was good. What was not good was my crying
several times during the movie. Memories of my middle-school experience during
the early 1970's, when the schools here were rezoned to enhance classroom diversity, suddenly surfaced as the two factions of adults bickered over their children's
education options. Still the part that hit me hardest was the slogan on the
Klansman's card: "Non Silba, Sed Anthar".
Not for one's self, but for others.
How much more selfish could a group of people be???
C.P. Ellis' realization of the lie between what the creed expressed and the actions
of the party of which he was Grand Cyclops was a pivotal moment.
That moment resonated deeply with my altruistic core.
Here was yet another movie in which adults were professing to know what was best for
children when, in truth, the adults were doing what was best for their own goals.
Adults were selfishly making the decisions on whether it was best for a child to stay in
an orphanage or be part of a publicity stunt for a week in the lap of luxury...
for a child to be taught to worship a twisted tyrant or to know the truth about the man's
hate-filled nature and its effect on his country...
for a child that differed in appearance to be granted an education at an up-to-date school
or to be forced to strive to learn in a damaged, smoky environment.
Seen separately, at some distance in time from each other, these three movies would have,
and have been, less harsh to my psyche.
However, seen only days apart, collectively they have certainly made an impact.
That has been too much experience this week in the deep, dark, sadness of the world.

I had noticed a energy drain on my mental state, but had not divined the reason.
Tonight, I had joined the running bear for a movie and dinner - yes, in that order -
to celebrate his successful refinancing of his townhouse.
Yes, on a Friday, not a Tuesday.
Yes, the movie first and then dinner.
So, we were meeting on an off-day and doing things in off-order.
That must have flipped some switch in my brain.
I had been fine while we watched "Bad Boys Forever" in BigD - I really had been.
But, at some point during our dinner at El Potro, during his conversations about his
weight training, his reading about Vietnam, his dating of Kaye, I went quiet.
I actually didn't notice that I had thrown my concentration into my meal...
but he noticed, of course.
"Are you okay?"
When he asked, it took a moment to register that he was addressing me.
It had seemed to be such an abrupt change of topic that it threw me.
"Are you okay?"
And so, as he is my bfrb, I told him about the movies and how the mistreatment of
the children had affected me and how sad it all was.
And, knowing me and my need for some routine in my life, and knowing that routine
had been altered this week (even though it had been at my own request), he made
sure to note that we would be back to our usual Tuesday next week.
That was very much reassuring to me.
Then, he allowed me to have four - four! - count-of-ten-seconds hugs, with
him joking around and restarting the count on two of those.
(smile)
i thank You, God, for such a dear friend...
and for Tina Tuesdays with him.