code-breaking laughter!

This was just too fun not to share!
It's a joke that comes complete with punchline included in the question!
Let's see if you figure it out before I reach the 8th clue, shall we?
I guessed the joke by the 6th clue, so this is a challenge.
Let's go!

LJTX TGVIS SLJ DIU ALV OTBCSJZ ALJC LBW

WVC TWFJZ OVX SLJ FJUW SV SLJ DTXTDJ

TCZ YTEJ VIS ABSL SLJ EVAJX ?

As I pointed out in the first dissected cryptogram, notice which "words" are repeated.
Here, "SLJ" appears a whopping four times.
Best guess would mean that letter set would be the word "THE", right?
So, S=T, L=H, and J=E.

he - -   - - - - t  the    - - -   - h -   - - - - te -   - he -    h - - 
LJTX  TGVIS  SLJ  DIU  ALV  OTBCSJZ  ALJC  LBW

 - - -   - - -  e -    - - -    the   - e - -    t -   the    - - - - -  e
WVC  TWFJZ  OVX  SLJ  FJUW  SV  SLJ  DTXTDJ

 - - -  - - - e   - - t   - - th   the   - - - e - 
TCZ  YTEJ  VIS  ABSL  SLJ  EVAJX ?

Well, that looks all well and good, but now what?
Maybe not "what" but "when", eh?
If A=W and C=N, then that questioning word may well reveal another...
or so I thought.
So, I gave it the good ol' college try.
(smile)

he - -   - - - - t  the    - - -   wh -   - - - nte -   when    h - - 
LJTX  TGVIS  SLJ  DIU  ALV  OTBCSJZ  ALJC  LBW

 - - n   - - -  e -    - - -    the   - e - -    t -   the    - - - - -  e
WVC  TWFJZ  OVX  SLJ  FJUW  SV  SLJ  DTXTDJ

 - - -  - - - e   - - t   w - th   the   - - we - 
TCZ  YTEJ  VIS  ABSL  SLJ  EVAJX ?


That's starting to hold some promise!
Now, how about that "V", is it a "Y" as in "WHY" or an "O" as in "WHO"?
The latter makes more sense, given where else the "V" is used.
So, definitely V=O.

he - -   - - o - t  the    - - -   who   - - - nte -   when    h - - 
LJTX  TGVIS  SLJ  DIU  ALV  OTBCSJZ  ALJC  LBW

 - on   - - -  e -    - o -    the   - e - -    to   the    - - - - -  e
WVC  TWFJZ  OVX  SLJ  FJUW  SV  SLJ  DTXTDJ

 - - -  - - - e   o - t   w - th   the   - owe - 
TCZ  YTEJ  VIS  ABSL  SLJ  EVAJX ?


See what I mean?
There were seven words with the "V" in them and it would be quite rare to find seven words with a "Y" in one sentence.
Not impossible, but certainly improbable.
That brings us to finding Clue 4.
Mr. Sajak, I'd like to buy two vowels, please.
"VIS ABSL" in that last line sure looks like it wants to be "OUT WITH" to me!
That would mean I=U and B=I, if you please.

he - -   - - out  the    - u -   who   - - inte -   when    hi - 
LJTX  TGVIS  SLJ  DIU  ALV  OTBCSJZ  ALJC  LBW

 - on   - - -  e -    - o -    the   - e - -    to   the    - - - - -  e
WVC  TWFJZ  OVX  SLJ  FJUW  SV  SLJ  DTXTDJ

 - - -  - - - e   out   with   the   - owe - 
TCZ  YTEJ  VIS  ABSL  SLJ  EVAJX ?

That certainly helped, filling in six empty spaces.
However, I still have a large word, "DTXTDJ", with only one vowel showing.
"TCZ" has no vowels, either.
Well, if I say that Z=D, as it looks like it might in that first line...
and if I say that T=A and C=N, then that first word in the last line will be "AND".
Make it so!

 

hea -    a - out   the    - u -   who    - ainte -   when    hi - 
LJTX  TGVIS  SLJ  DIU  ALV  OTBCSJZ  ALJC  LBW

 - on   a - -  e -    - o -    the   - e - -   to   the   - a - a -  e
WVC  TWFJZ  OVX  SLJ  FJUW  SV  SLJ  DTXTDJ

 and  - a - e   out   with   the   - owe - 
TCZ  YTEJ  VIS  ABSL  SLJ  EVAJX ?

Oh, my, Clue 5 worked out rather well, didn't it?
And, as I was mentally sounding out the segments, I burst out laughing!
This cryptogram must be an encoded joke!!!
Sah-weet!
And how do many such things begin?
With a "Hear about..." portion, right?
Oh, you betcha!
So, Clue 6 reveals that X=R and G=B!

hear    about   the    - u -   who    - ainte -   when    hi - 
LJTX  TGVIS  SLJ  DIU  ALV  OTBCSJZ  ALJC  LBW

 - on   a - -  e -    - or    the   - e - -   to   the   - ara -  e
WVC  TWFJZ  OVX  SLJ  FJUW  SV  SLJ  DTXTDJ

 and  - a - e   out   with   the   - ower 
TCZ  YTEJ  VIS  ABSL  SLJ  EVAJX ?

Are you laughing yet?
What about if I told you it was a "GUY" who "Fainted"?
Not a gal... that's a "u" in that pronoun in the first line.
That means D=G and U=Y and O=F, right?

hear    about    the    guy   who    fainte -   when    hi - 
LJTX TGVIS SLJ DIU ALV OTBCSJZ  ALJC  LBW

 - on   a - -  e -    for    the   - ey -   to   the   - ara -  e
WVC  TWFJZ  OVX  SLJ  FJUW  SV  SLJ  DTXTDJ

 and  - a - e   out   with   the   - ower 
TCZ  YTEJ  VIS  ABSL  SLJ  EVAJX ?

Right, right, bloody well right, as Supertramp would say!
Up to Clue 8 now, so I know you'd agree this is a joke puzzle, yes?
Oh, yessirree Bob!
And just what might be going on to make a fella faint?
Let's just say it had to be something a SON might have done... LOL!
W=S means that's correct!

hear   about   the   guy   who   fainted   when   his
LJTX TGVIS SLJ DIU ALV OTBCSJZ ALJC LBW

son     as - ed    for    the    - eys   to   the  - ara - e
WVC TWFJZ OVX SLJ FJUW SV SLJ DTXTDJ

and   - a - e   out   with   the   - ower   
TCZ  YTEJ  VIS  ABSL  SLJ  EVAJX ?

Time to finish this puppy up!
Let's have F=K, giving us a set of unlocking tools.
What to unlock?
Well, I just watched "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" last night...
and was surprised with the Alan Ruck commercial a few days earlier...
so I'm going to say the boy wanted into the "GaraGe"!

hear   about   the   guy   who   fainted   when   his
LJTX TGVIS SLJ DIU ALV OTBCSJZ ALJC LBW

son     asked    for    the    keys   to   the  garage
WVC TWFJZ OVX SLJ FJUW SV SLJ DTXTDJ

and   - a - e   out   with   the   - ower   
TCZ  YTEJ  VIS  ABSL  SLJ  EVAJX ?

 

Yep, yep, that was definitely the case!
I'll give you one last hint with Clue 10, then I'm outta here.
Are you ready???
E=M...
as in, almost Einstein's equation for his Theory of Relativity, but not quite.
No speed of light factor is involved.
(smile!)

What was it that Master Oogway said?
Oh, yeah.
There are no accidents.
Right place, right time.
Thanks, Universe!