i want THAT, please

I had very much looked forward to the 1990 romance "White Palace", I really had.
Susan Sarandon, James Spader, crystallized (at 46 and 30, respectively)?
What was not to love about it?
So, off to join the Psychotronic Film Society at the Sentient Bean I went!
And, as I watched this steamy December-May romance between the pair, I found myself making comparisons between them and the relationships I seem to have miscued these past few years.
I actually found myself feeling justified about using the age differences between myself and possible lovers to nip those might-have-beens in the early stages.
After all, I'm not a cougar, as I haven't enough money for that.
I'm also a bit leery of getting hurt.
But, mostly, especially since I turned 60, I don't want to start something that's going to leave someone behind after I turn 63.
However, I realized something earlier.
The bfrb has been at his job here for seven years.
So, he has been in Savannah for seven years.
Then, I met him through Cedric - and the MENSA folk - probably a year later.
Plus, we had Philo Cafe together, and those late-night noshes after at Chili's.
Yes, those many nights there, week in and week out, flirting and teasing and having double entendres flying back and forth with the laughter...
I missed a chance, I think.
Mostly, I chickened out on the possible romance.
Once I had found out how much younger he was...
that he was just a year older than my first niece...
I just couldn't.
And now it's seven years later and he and I are still together, so to speak...
but, not really together, not in that way...
though, when I'm at my most sane, I realize that would complicate both of our lives...
and yet, at times like this, I'd still like to give romance a try.
However, at times like this...
after seeing a man in love grab the woman he loves, who loves him too...
and who proceeds to kiss her deeply and madly in front of all...
I'd definitely like to give romance a try.
I want that.
Sigh.
Impossible things.
Maybe I should sleep late tomorrow...
allow myself to dream sweet dreams...
rather than want impossible things.
Maybe.