i want THAT, please

I had very much looked forward to the 1990 romance "White Palace", I really had.
Susan Sarandon, James Spader, crystallized (at 46 and 30, respectively)?
What was not to love about it?
So, off to join the Psychotronic Film Society at the Sentient Bean I went!
And, as I watched this steamy December-May romance between the pair, I found myself making comparisons between them and the relationships I seem to have miscued these past few years.
I actually found myself feeling justified about using the age differences between myself and possible lovers to nip those might-have-beens in the early stages.
After all, I'm not a cougar, as I haven't enough money for that.
I'm also a bit leery of getting hurt.
But, mostly, especially since I turned 60, I don't want to start something that's going to leave someone behind after I turn 63.
However, I realized something earlier.
The bfrb has been at his job here for seven years.
So, he has been in Savannah for seven years.
Then, I met him through Cedric - and the MENSA folk - probably a year later.
Plus, we had Philo Cafe together, and those late-night noshes after at Chili's.
Yes, those many nights there, week in and week out, flirting and teasing and having double entendres flying back and forth with the laughter...
I missed a chance, I think.
Mostly, I chickened out on the possible romance.
Once I had found out how much younger he was...
that he was just a year older than my first niece...
I just couldn't.
And now it's seven years later and he and I are still together, so to speak...
but, not really together, not in that way...
though, when I'm at my most sane, I realize that would complicate both of our lives...
and yet, at times like this, I'd still like to give romance a try.
However, at times like this...
after seeing a man in love grab the woman he loves, who loves him too...
and who proceeds to kiss her deeply and madly in front of all...
I'd definitely like to give romance a try.
I want that.
Sigh.
Impossible things.
Maybe I should sleep late tomorrow...
allow myself to dream sweet dreams...
rather than want impossible things.
Maybe.

john, vladimir, and bedsheets

"Well, that's a lovely bunch of coconuts, isn't it?"

Quite right, my dearie. But they all have something in common, they do!

"If you do be saying so, then it must be so, eh?"

For sure! And to think it was centered on a brief chat with the Xióngmāo as I was on my way to Planet Fitness today. I happened to spot Opal as I was getting ready to park. He was just about to leave, as he'd already been to the gym and maxed out a couple more machines there...

"Hold up there, girlie! You were talking to who? The Chong man?"

Hahaha! No, I said "Xióngmāo", not "Chong man". Phonetically, think "show moww-ah", with the accent on that second syllable. I guess in Okinawa, Brad Nelson would have taught it to me as "show me out". That's how I learned to remember Dōitashimashite. That's Japanese for "You're welcome", but it sounds like "don't touch the moustache".

"Yeah, it seems that you've wandered off topic. I still don't know who you're referencing."

Well, I bet this will help! Xióngmāo means panda in Chinese and this person taught himself Mandarin. Also, I call him my bfrb, though that may need to be altered, as he isn't running much these days. Plus, I already mentioned I was at the gym...

"Oh! You mean Kevin??? He's a panda?"

Well, I had told him how much fun it would be if people were multicolored and had stripes or spots, though I supposed that moles and freckles counted as spots. Then he told me he'd taught the precious snowflakes that a zebra says "moo", as it has four legs and eats grass like a cow does.

"Wow. I mean, wow. Are you on too much caffeine right now?"

No, I promise I'm not. I am still just so delighted with our little chance encounter today.
(beaming smile!)

"Yes, dear, I know how you do love his company."

I do, I really do!
(another beaming smile!)

"Okay, let's see if we can cross back over out of La-La Land, shall we? I'll start. What's with the random things in the post title? "

Umm, let me see... oh, yes! They're the reason I'm here right now!

"And... they are conjoined how...?"

Nice word, "conjoined". You could have said "combined" or "united" or "linked"...

"Maybe I should go take a walk... "

No, stay, please! Okay, I'll spill the beans! But, first, let me just say that Kevin reads a lot of biographies, and I mean a lot! And the two fellows, John and Vladimir, have very similar-sounding last names. Hence, hilarity ensued.
(smile)

"Oh! I bet I can guess who they are. After all, there may be a world full of Johns, but I'd warrant Vlads are not so common. So, since the Russian is most likely Lenin, then the John has to be Lennon. Am I right?"

You most certainly are! Were you peeking when I set up those links earlier?

"Sure, let's say I was."

Ah, HA! Caught you red-handed!

"No, seriously, I'm leaving now... "

Hahaha! He sometimes uses that same line on me. Trying to get me back on track, usually. Oh, like you're attempting to do.
Okay, okay, don't tap that foot at me!

"Well, really, you can wander so far... "

So, here's what happened. After I parked next to his car, he got out and we started chatting, after a hug, of course.

"Of course. "

Of course. And I seem to not recall why, but he said the book about "lin on" was actually funny. And, in my mind, I said "But of course, since John Lennon was known to have a sense of humor!", but aloud I said naught, as he was continuing his tale. Then he segued into talk about Karl Marx and a revolution and that Marx thought the revolution would be in England and not in Russia because of industrial versus agricultural and that he'd had to go to Russia to not miss it.

"What??? How did Marx enter into the mix? "

Oh, something about him not liking Russians. That had thrown me, because I thought he was Russian, but apparently he was German and studying in England...

"And that was in the book he was talking about?"

Hey, good question! Perhaps it was. At any rate, right about then I said to him, "What does that have to do with John Lennon?"

"And he said..."

After looking at me like I'd grown a second head, he told me he wasn't talking about Lennon, he was speaking of Lenin. Hahaha!

"Surely he understood how you could have thought that, right?"

Well, I'm sure he did not, at least not at first. He knows that I know that he's been on a months-long involvement with books about the Holocaust, WW I, WW II, Vietnam - you know, books about people doing ugly things to other people. I guess I thought he'd taken my advice to go toward the light. A bio of a Beatle would have tied in nicely with our conversation from last night.

"Y'all were talking about The Beatles??? "

Well, let me finish my story, okay? I'm almost done.

"Oh, I thought it was told. Lenin, not Lennon, right? "

True, but then I tossed in another homophone, "linen", and gave examples of bedsheets and tablecloths. He didn't know what to say about that, just looked at me quizzically, as he sometimes does.
I must say, it's quite interesting having a shrink as a best friend!
What conversations we have!

"Yes, I know. You've spoken of that a time or two. But you do realize your misuse of the word "linen", don't you? "

Oh, you mean the general usage of the word as a plural when referencing covers for tables and laps and other flat surfaces in a house?

"Darn tootin'. The singular, "linen", is meant for the fabric made from woven flax. "

Yeah, well, I doubt the subject will arise again with him. So, let's just keep that little slip of the tongue right here, shall we?

"No skin off my teeth, dearie. Also, we seem to have drifted into the darknet since you began this new blog, so it's hardly a question of him - or anyone - stumbling upon your lapse. "

Well, good! That works just fine for me!

"I figured it would. I noticed you haven't called attention to it. "

Hey, it's listed in the "about me" section on the blogspot site. It just seems that no one has come looking to find out why I haven't written aught else over at beachwalks.

"Yeah, I've noticed. That's okay, though. These writings were mostly for your own eyes anyway, weren't they? Sure, it's been good to share a few with others, but you write because that's just part of who you are. "

Certainly. Though it would have been nice to think someone cared to follow me down this new path...

"No one can read anyone else's mind."

Yeah, I seem to have heard that somewhere...

"If you want folks to know of this new sanctuary, you'll have to share. Perhaps the reason you've been quiet about it is that you've had too much havoc already wreaked on your physical haven. I'm betting that once that gets all straightened out, you'll open up about your hindsights."

Yeah, we'll see about that. It's rather liberating to feel that I can write about anything and not have to be concerned about how someone will interpret my words.

"As you wish. "

So now I get "The Princess Bride" quote? Hahaha hahaha!

"It seemed like a nice change of pace. Like you and he going to The King & I for dinner last night."

That was a nice change! How very kind of him to have offered to forego the buffet, right? I took advantage of the shift to Thai by regarding it as my Valentine's Day dinner. After all, the grilled salmon with the chili garlic sauce was certainly an upgrade from our regular Tuesday fare. Plus, I had the company of a gentleman I love, so that made it extra special. On the 14th, I'll be ushering "Seussical" at the Lucas, so who knows if I'll dine anywhere?
And, no, I didn't tell him I was regarding our dinner in that regard.
And, no, don't raise that eyebrow at me.

"O-kay. Just saying... "

I'm fine. Well, relatively. My house isn't right yet, so that's working on my head.

"Got it. Backing off, but not too far. "

Thanks. Speaking of such, we finally saw "The Gentlemen" last night. I guess the fourth time was the charm for that one!

"Y'all had something interfere on the other three Tina Tuesdays?"

Yeah, can you believe it? The first time, he had asked if we could see "1917" instead, as it was at the same time. So, we'd done so, concerned that the war movie might soon be gone. No worries, as it turned out. That film is still on the silver screen.

"What about the second time your movie choice was altered?"

Well, that was actually on me. I had decided I wanted to see "Parasite" while it was still in the cinema, and, as it was at the same screening time, he agreed to see the Korean film. Good call! We both really liked the class-struggle movie, just as we had both found the war film to be extremely well done.

"Well, alrighty then! You each called for change and the other acquiesced, and it turned out well both times! That's a definite win, dear. And last week?"

Well, that was a different kettle of fish entirely. He had contacted me that morning. Would I mind rescheduling our evening? The Peacock Guild was meeting for the first time in months.

"The Peacock Guild? From that Flannery O'Connor event?"

Well, yes. And since I had encouraged him to join the group, to give him an unbiased ear as an outlet for help with the progress of his graphic novel, I encouraged him to go to that meeting. That was important for him, so it was important to me. And we hit upon my strangely open Saturday for our irregular get together.

"I know you would have preferred his company, but you still had him on Saturday. And then again last night! Oh, and then this afternoon! That's a whole lot of huggin' goin' on! "

i thank You, God!
(smile!)

"I do, too. You still seem to need some mothering, don't you, girl?"

Yeah. The hugs help. Hugs from him, hugs from the Odd Lot folks, hugs from mi tres amigas, hugs from people at church, hugs from the PFS crew.
Yeah.

"I'm sorry, dear. Things will get better, they will. Remember what Christina Ann wrote to you? She said, "I guess there's always a silver lining if you look for it." That was her take on something similar you told her."

She's a real bright light in my world. Truly she is.

"Truly, she is. So is Kevin, you know."

Yes, he is. He's also rather old-fashioned when it comes to dating. He insists on paying his date's way, regardless of cost. I've been trying to convince him that he should allow them to pay, but I don't believe he's buying it. Get it? Buying it?

"Got it, silly one kenobi. Is that why The Beatles came up last night?"

Yes, actually. He was going on about having spent fifty bucks a pop to take a date to a show by a Beatles tribute band. I was absolutely aghast! After all, I know he prides himself on being a cheapskate, but when it comes to dating, no amount of money is too much for him to spend. Just craziness! I made the remark that such a move would be expected to result in sex, and he seemed shocked that I would say that. I told him that anyone who was so wild about that music that they would plop down that sum of money would be amped up enough after the concert to carry on with the party, so to speak. Sometimes, I don't think he's as clued in as he should be. Then again, I know that by the time I was his age, I'd had much more experience with men than he has had with women. Just sayin'.

"Well, you were in the Navy, and that makes a big difference."

Yeah, partly, but that doesn't account for all of it. I think I was just more adventurous or amorous or active or ... some other "a" words.

"Being around theatre folk probably added to the frivolity."

No doubt! So much of the simulated sex on the stage spilled over into the backseats of cars. Get that little inside joke?

"Got it. You crack me up, girl!"

Hey, I crack myself up sometimes, too!
Right now, though, I need to do some adulting and pay some bills before the mail comes.
So, later, tater!

"After a while, crocodile!"

(smile!)

36 square centimeters at a time

That's the amount of carpet that this floor tool can accommodate.
Only thirty-six square centimeters.
I had tried tackling the carpet in the girl vacated by the twins with the vacuum cleaner in usual mode, but that didn't make a dent.
Not that the carpet's condition is entirely their doing.
That "apple blossom" berber has eighteen years of use on it.
Plus, carpet is supposed to be vacuumed once a week per person living on it, as per the manufacturer's warranty.
(Go ahead, look it up.)
I have never even cleaned the three carpeted rooms once a month, much less once a week, but that's been my choice.
In my defense, it never looked dirty, as I take my shoes off at my front door.
Anyway, that's water under the bridge.
I'll try to become more conscientious about that task.
Right now, though, I'm trying to reclaim these two vacated rooms and my first step is cleaning them... as I had before Michael and the girls took up residence here.
The difference is, five-year-olds track in a lot of dirt, as they didn't seem to comprehend that running around in socks outside just led to said footwear becoming wet and muddy and grass-stained and who knows what else.
So, all of the floors, from the front door - or back door - to their room have suffered from accumulated filth and require cleansing.
Ack.
I've been working on them for days, leaving the carpeted rooms for last.
And I've been cleaning the carpet in their big room since Friday.
Spray on a stain remover, scrub it in, vacuum, repeat.
Ack.
It's looking better, but it's slow slogging.
The carpet in the above photo has not yet been touched by the vacuum cleaner or its tools.
That will probably wait until week's end, as I don't have furniture to put in there.
As for my new sleeping quarters, my dear Ocean Room, I have successfully cleaned that carpet and rug, so at least I have a sense of accomplishment to keep me going.

I also have this.
When I look down the hallway,
what do I see?
My beautiful rocking chair
looking back at me.
Hallelujah!
That's came home from Panama with me forty years ago.
It's been so reassuring to have it back where it belongs!
I'd moved it to the living room to protect it from misuse by the rambunctious children.


What other history is in this photo?
Well, the fuchsia afghan was crocheted - knitted? - by Mama, so it's at least twenty years old, probably even a bit older than that.
That pillow is one I quilted for my one-and-only Grandmama, using fabric scraps from clothes I'd made on my sewing machine. The pillow had been returned to me after her death in April of 1997.
The "teal" curtains were bought at the IKEA store in Atlanta, on a shopping trip with my BFF, back in 2008.
That's about when the room was painted Ralph Lauren's "Aged Mint", too.
And the flamingo hanging on the door of the hall closet?
That sweet little bird was bought in Okinawa... so he's soon to be forty years old.
Seeing these mementos of loved ones and good times from my past is reassuring for me.
Definitely.
i thank You, God, for such memories to warm my heart and soul
and to remind me of how much I have been loved, now that I am growing old.

waiting for publishers clearing house

I've been entering their sweepstakes since August 2003, or so they have noted in letters proclaiming me "one of their most loyal supporters".
Over the past two weeks, I have received six mailings from them, all loaded with "colorful flyers" of items for sale, with "the discount already marked in the price".
That's six mailings, all for the prize to be given on February 28, 2020.

Obviously, I'm going to enter.
After all, each mailing has different prize numbers assigned to me.
Any of them might well be the one.
But, here's a curious thing:
one entry has a different address.
That one is going to St. Cloud, MN.
The others are all destined for Melville, NY.
What does that mean?
I have no idea...
but I'm feeling fortunate!
(smile)

hair love in the neighbor's window

The more I see Brad Pitt, the more I appreciate what a good man he is.
First, he had that inspiring speech at the Golden Globes.
Then, tonight, with his Oscar acceptance speech, he was equally loving and giving,
nearly tearing up at one point.
As I was then, I was again, watching the show at Barbara's with Sandy and Carolyn.
We were all quite taken with Brad, I must say.
(smile)
I was also quite taken with 45-year-old Joaquin Phoenix.
His acceptance speech, for his first Oscar ever, spoke of second chances, treating
all people with respect, showing compassion for those different from us, being kind
to animals, fostering education.
That was very good, but I most loved the addendum that followed.
"Run to the rescue with love, and peace will follow."
That was a quote from a song written by his late brother, River.
How very kind to bring attention to the causes and the music of an oldest sibling
who died 26 years ago...
and how very appropriate that the song was titled "Halo".
That shows me that Joaquin has grown into a good man, too.
(smile)

Anyway, as I was writing this, I realized that I had not written about our excursion downtown to the new Savannah Cultural Arts Center!
That happened on the last Friday - and last day - of last month.
Tomasz, and his CinemaSavannah group, had brought a collection of seven Oscar-nominated shorts for our viewing pleasure.
"Hair Love" was delightful and reminded me of Michael trying to tend to his daughters' hair.
(That was the Oscar winner!)

"Memorable", a serious piece of animation, shone a revealing light on Alzheimer's disease.
"Kitbull", a film about an unlikely friendship, gave a side glance at abandoned pets and dogfighting.
"Une Soeur" began the live-action set with a 911 dispatcher trying to assist a kidnapped woman - such an incredibly tense short!
"The Neighbor's Window", which won the category's Oscar, was a reminder that someone is always watching an open window.

"Brotherhood" was a very sad piece about a father betraying a son.
The final screening, a very upbeat look at a good use for "white powder", was "Nefta Football Club". It was a funny joke about misheard names (Adele, not Hadel), too!
The photos were at Rancho Alegre for our dinner afterward!
Mi dos amigas, the cleaned plate of ropa vieja, and my capirinha, the Brizilian version of a mojito!
So blessed am I!

misunderstood, that's all

Last night, after an oddly strange Saturday with my bfrb and a BigD bad-ass "Birds of Prey", followed by my new abs-too program at PF, I found myself up until 4 AM.
So, on this chilly Sunday, I stayed home for a favorite activity - the latest Jonesin' puzzle.
This clue got my attention.
"Show-offy way to solve crosswords."
Umm, yeah, I use an ink pen
when I do any kind of puzzle, and have for many years.
But that isn't due to brain vanity.
I use an ink pen because the vibration of the graphite in a pencil aggravates the nerves in my hands, causing numbness and pain.
Those vibrations caused by the pressure of the transfer of marks to paper are dampened out by the fluidity of ink in other writing implements.
People are, apparently, misunderstanding the use of ink.

People have also misunderstood why I had little ones living with me.
I had sent a rare newsletter with my Christmas cards this year to those distant.
Here's what I had written.

"December 2019
This Christmas promises to be quite different from those past.
For the first time since I was a child, I am living with children.
My nephew Michael, son of my brother Ronnie, moved in last month, along with his five-year-old daughters, my great-nieces Alyssa and Leila. The short story is that the girls' mother will be out of the picture until they are grown.
We were all ill for most of November, but have been well since Thanksgiving, and are adjusting to each other's rhythms. They go to the sitter during the day when he is at work, just as they always have. I still have my life as a busy, vibrant woman.
We're all blessed to have this time together.
Wishing life's blessings for you!"

I had thought I was clear to folks that I was not going to be raising these children, nor would I become a live-in babysitter.
Yes, we would all be sharing some good times together, but I was not in charge of the girls, their dad was.
My Aunt Linda, who has always been a bit distant to me, sent a card proclaiming me to be "simply a saint!"
My Aunt Barbara, only in my life for the last decade, wrote in her card that "We are all blessed when wee do the right thing and I feel you are doing that now!"
The little girls next-door, with the stay-home mom, didn't understand at all why the twins went to a sitter all day.
Then, last month, my dear Melanie contacted me... after over a year of silence.
I was so glad I had sent the recent holiday card to her!
And why had she sent the email?
To impress upon me that I was "the female 'somebody'... their maternal role model".
Well, at least she had the first part right.
However, my intention was never to become a "mom" substitute to Leila and Alyssa...
just to continue to be the loving great-aunt I have always been.
That is exactly what I have done, too, and will continue to do.
Why would that ever change?
I am still me.

Fortunately, some folks "get" me.
Somehow, during the gift-giving whirl last Christmas, a present to me from my great-nephew Kobe was misplaced.
About a week ago, I met up with Smitty and opened it right in front of him - and was so delighted!
"They really understand me!"
That would be Smitty's son and his family: Zach, Linh (who painted the piece), and Kobe.
I'm so glad Smitty was there to see how happy I was...
so he can pass that on to his son.
i thank You, God.

from barbeque to french toast, y'all!

What a marvelous Friday the 7th I have had!
My first niece had called - yes, called! - yesterday to see if I might be able to join her for lunch today.
Of course I replied in the affirmative!
That's why I was at Smokin' Pig Bar-B-Q Joint for my very first time.

She's been there several times over the years, but more often since she started her new job at Richmond Hill.
I hope to join her for lunch often!
I'd like it to be every other week, but we'll see what her schedule allows.
I'm most interested in that Jalapenos' presentation of their shrimp ceviche - in the name of science, of course!
(smile!)

When she left for work, I returned to Savannah, and guess what?
I was back in plenty of time to see "Downton Abbey" at Generation One!
Just like I had looked forward to doing today!
Plus, I was able to bop into the Post Office for fun stamps - I'll be addressing Valentine's Day cards for my greats this week!

This evening presented me with a free night of "Comedy at the Jingle Bells Church"!
The fundraiser for WRUU featured Bill Cooper ("oldest comedian"), Chris Soucy (his "Top 5 Fears"), and Rabbi Robert Haas ("new dad").
Plus, as a bonus, three Odd Lot peeps were there: Sariah, Jason (just flew in from NJ and, boy, his arms were tired!), and Chad!
Sandy came with me and Sue Gorecki was there, too!

I was even in one of the skits!
Jason "dubbed" in my words, while Chad played the new boyfriend of "my daughter" Sariah - lots of fun!
Then, Sandy was in "Pillars", since Mary Ann Cooper volunteered, too - very nice!
I was kinda sorta (inside joke with the bfrb!) involved, as I suggested Chad and Sariah were involved in a used car sale.
Sandy and MAC did quite well at giving word suggestions!

Oh, and just in time for valentines, we had Chad and Jason writing "love letters" to each other!
Definitely love gone wrong, as Dr. Esquire had pushed dancing Congoleum Platypus off a cliff!
But I do think "Genres" had a little something special, as Jason and Sariah went grocery shopping,
at my request (woohoo!).
And what did they buy?
Eggs, of course, as well as bread, because "French toast might be made for breakfast".

Might be made...?
Well, let's make it so, as Captain Picard would say!
And so we did, Sandy and I, opting for The Diner for our late dinner.
The young waiter was only too glad to hear of our evening foray and to fetch me some peanut butter -
oh, such delight!
What a delicious ending to a delectable day!
i thank You, God!